Shopping for a Yankee Swap ~ Read Chapter One

Shopping for a Yankee Swap releases in two days! Read Chapter One and then look for two special giveaways.

Shannon

“You’re killing me, Shannon,” Declan says over the Facetime video chat we’re having. He’s in Australia, on a quick layover for some meetings with a resort chain that might carry our coffee. A few years ago, as a wedding present, Declan bought me Grind It Fresh!, a small coffee chain with the best coffee I’d ever tasted. Some men would buy their new wife a necklace, or a fancy bike, or a special memento.

Mine went a little overboard.

We co-own and co-manage the chain of coffee shops. I handle on-the-ground issues at our headquarters here in Boston. He’s the road warrior. His trip to Indonesia to negotiate Fair Trade coffee deals has been a big success, but he’s been gone for three weeks.

Three entire weeks.

Three weeks of no sex. Three weeks of no kisses. Three weeks of no one to turn to for a silent hug, a quick smile, a simple vent. Yes, we have phones and texts and video chats, but it’s no replacement for your lover’s hot breath on the back of your neck as he initiates what you’ve been wanting, too.

The red garters had to come out, even if all we can do is have virtual sex.

Given that he just missed Thanksgiving yesterday, and Christmas is coming soon, I might need to pull out my sexy elf costume for old time’s sake.

“I’m killing you? How about I kill you with my thighs wrapped around your face?” I tease.

His hand goes to his belt, pants unbuttoned, fly unzipped, one part of his body very much alive. Declan has eyes the color of heathered emeralds, framed by a strong face with broad cheekbones, and thick, dark hair. He stands tall, his shoulders straight, with a confidence that comes naturally. Unruffled and unraveled before me, half naked and breathing with a rough edge that speaks to desperation, I watch him on screen, a small smile curving my lips.

In public, he’s an impenetrable wall, a steel fortress, an airtight container of business might and financial savvy.

In private, he’s mine.

And I’m the one who brings him to the point of panting, holding his erection in one fist, staring at the red garters that made him lose his mind a few years ago, and imagining plunging into me.

“Those damn garters. I’m imagining you in my office that day. Remember? On my desk?”

“How could I forget?”

The sound of his ragged breath makes me feel less silly. Since we had our baby two years ago, Declan’s traveled significantly less, but running a fast-growing coffee brand doesn’t lend itself to a lot of time at home. We manage. Declan and Ellie have a standing date for Facetime video calls, and he reads her bedtime stories every night, even if it means he does it with his morning coffee from halfway around the globe.

We chat constantly, dealing with business issues, weaving in personal-life conversations.

But no video camera, no internet connection, no unlimited data plan is a substitute for having my husband naked in bed with me.

None.

“Are we really doing this?” I giggle.

“Pretty sure I’m about done,” he says, but I can see he is definitely not. It’s dark here, late at night, which means it’s afternoon there.

I guess I’m having a nooner at midnight.

I move my face as close as possible to the camera.

“Shannon, what are you doing?”

“Put it right by your camera,” I order him.

One eyebrow goes high. “Put… what?”

“You know.”

I can’t see anything, because my mouth is right up against my video lens, but I sure can hear.

“What the hell are you–oh, no. No. No.” That last no sounds like a growl.

“What? It’s the closest I can get–I’m simulating!”

“First of all, that’s not even close to what your mouth feels like. Second of all, you’re asking me to put my junk on a glass screen and… what? Move it up and down?”

“You can’t exactly poke it at the screen and pretend it’s a wet hole.”

“This thing is so hard, it might make a hole.”

“Declan!” My cry of outraged hilarity makes me stop, mid-sound.

I realize I’ve gone and done it.

You know that movie, A Quiet Place? The one where monsters track humans by sound and kill them if they even snap a twig?

That’s one big metaphor for parenting a small child, let me tell you.

“Mama? MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA,” Ellie cries out from her bedroom next to ours.

“NO!” Declan grunts, then lets out an aggrieved sigh. “Damn it.”

“No sex,” I say with a sigh.

“Makes me feel like I’m right back home.”

I wince. He’s not wrong. But it hurts, anyhow.

Toddlers are the OG cockblockers.

Yanking the sash of my chiffon robe together as I stand, I tie it off, looking back at the screen to find Declan looping his belt. The robe is last year’s Christmas present from my husband, one he selected just for this purpose.

“I’m sorry.”

“Me, too.” He looks at his crotch. The thick outline of his erection is obvious, even on video.

“MAMAMAMAMAMA! I want up! I want up!”

I close my eyes, trying to shut out the spike of the immediate reaction her cries generate in me. Shifting roles from sex kitten to mother isn’t second nature, so I feel weirdly exposed as I look down at my breasts, uncovered for Declan’s viewing. These same breasts feed my child.

How they’re being used by others controls how I feel about them.

I grab the tablet, not ready to let go of my only connection to my husband.

Can you tell we’ve done too many of these FaceTime calls? We’re the Facetime Family.

My throat aches a bit at the thought, stinging with emotion.

And speaking of Christmas, he needs to get home soon. Our third Christmas with Ellie needs to be extra special; her first Christmas, my parents’ house caught on fire during the festivities, so that one doesn’t really count.

Our cat, Chuckles, still has half his tail fur burnt off.

Last year we all sat around Mom and Dad’s still-under-renovation living room and tried not to tempt fate. The Yankee Swap was a half-hearted, Jacoby-only event.

None of the usual suspects came to the celebration.

This year is different. More than needing to reclaim good memories, we have been presented with a challenge from my mother.

The great Jacoby Yankee Swap will resume this year, and I’m determined that my husband will join in.

“Up! Uppy!” Ellie calls again, only this time, her tone is less frantic, her language devolving into baby talk. I have a chance to take a true, deep breath and feel my inner arms brush against my lower ribs as I move, the tablet pressing into my side.

“If we had a live-in nanny, you wouldn’t need to do this,” says a voice from under my left arm.

I tap the back of the tablet’s case and say loudly, “If we had a live-in nanny, you’d get less sex, because I can’t make love with you when someone else is here.”

Walking into Ellie’s room, I find her red faced, eyes teary and wide. Her little arms reach for my neck and soon, she’s clinging to me, tiny ribs wracked with aftershocks from crying.

“Shhhhhhh,” I say as I sway-walk back to my bedroom and hold the tablet screen toward her. Declan stares back at us, the image cutting him off at the waist on the display screen.

“Hi, Ellie!” he coos, instantly in Awesome Dad mode, making me smile. My father and Declan are about as different as two men can be, but in this–loving and parenting their child–they are one and the same.

“Dah-dee!” Ellie squeals, touching the screen. “Whatcha doon?”

“I am in Australia!”

“Uh-stray-la?”

“Yes! Good! I’ll be home in two days.”

“I want Daddy home. I want swings whichoo.”

“Swings! Of course. How many pushes?”

“All da pushes!”

A wistful look takes over his face. I know that look. It’s the expression of a man who would rather be here than where he actually is. Ambition is in his DNA, but loving his daughter takes precedence.

“All the pushes, sweetie,” he says as Ellie kisses the glass screen.

“I want milk, Mama,” she says. “Chocka milk.”

“How about water?” I offer. Sexytime is over. Parenting mode engaged. “Water and some cantaloupe.”

“Catnayope!” she crows, toddling off to the kitchen in her footed sleeper. As she leaves, Chuckles pokes his head into the room. He spots Declan, and I swear the cat smiles.

“Want me to put Chuckles on? He can kiss the screen for you.”

“That’s the only pussy I’m getting, apparently,” Declan mutters.

I stick my tongue out at him. He doesn’t laugh.

A huff, then a long sigh comes from the screen as he runs his hand through his hair, conflicted eyes growing larger on the screen as he leans in and says, “I’m not sure I want this anymore.”

“Want what?”

“This.” He motions with his hands, as if gesturing to the whole wide world. “All the travel.”

“You can build a coffee empire without it.”

“No, Shannon. I can’t.”

“You can come home and focus on other aspects of the business. Or you could retire.”

“Retire? I’m not that old!”

“Retirement isn’t just for old people.”

“But I love what I do. I just hate being away from you and Ellie.”

“You’re the boss. Change it.”

A wry grin spreads across his face. “You’re right.”

“I am?”

“I’ve been gone from you for too long. I miss you.”

“I know. Three weeks without sex is a long time.”

“No–not the sex. I miss you. I miss my friend. I miss hearing you laugh. Your breath on my face. Your cold feet against my calves. How you smell in bed. Moving furniture around because you want to make a play area in the living room for Ellie. Going to vintage antique shops and buying weird sculptures.”

“Since when do you miss going to thrift shops with me? And they’re not weird!” I bring the tablet into the kitchen with me, where I find Ellie on the floor, the tub of pre-cut cantaloupe in her lap, each little fist clutching an orange chunk.

The fridge door is wide open, casting a sci-fi glow over her.

“You bought a gnome drinking coffee out of a toilet, Shannon.”

“For this year’s Yankee Swap!”

“The gnome had a frog on a leash.”

“It’s supposed to be funny!”

“And when you press the button, it sounds like an octopus being choked to death.”

“Your point is…?”

He makes a grunting sound worthy of Geralt of Rivia.

“Fine,” I inform him as Ellie thrusts her sticky fingers into the venting grate under the fridge. “Next time we go to a thrift shop, you get to find something better.”

“I’ll just send Dave.”

“You cannot send your executive assistant to find a Yankee Swap present!”

“Of course, I can.”

The silence is what makes me suspicious.

“Declan?”

Another grunt.

“You had Dave shop for you this year, didn’t you?”

Another grunt.

Suppressing the impulse to sing the first line of “The Witcher” song and toss a coin his way, I turn the video camera on Ellie instead.

“Say hi to Daddy!”

“Hi, Daddy! You want some catnayope?” She smears a grey-ish, half-chewed piece on the glass where Declan’s mouth is.

“Mmmmmm,” he pretends. “Yum!”

Talking with my husband for two minutes instead of monitoring her has led to a twenty-minute clean up.

“I knew it! Daddy yikes catnayope!”

“Nice sentences!” he says, grinning.

“She’s been saying more complex phrases all week,” I tell him.

His face falls. “She has? I missed it.” Voice going gruff, he turns negative. “Damn.”

“Dam!” Ellie repeats.

“Shit,” he mutters.

“That doesn’t help!” I say through gritted teeth.

“I mean, I like it!” Over-enunciating, he uses the time-tested technique every parent tries when they utter profanity in front of the human equivalent of a mynah bird.

“I yike it!” Ellie repeats.

Magic.

The man has magical powers. If I said the S-word, Ellie would repeat it ad infinitum, and always in the worst possible places. At the pediatrician, during story hour at the library, at the yarn shop Mom loves, where the woman who runs it looks like a church organist–you get the picture.

Declan does it? Crisis averted.

Chuckles pads up to the screen and starts licking Declan’s face. When I try to pet him, I get a condescending sniff.

Dec laughs.

Chuckles runs off.

“I miss being home,” Declan says. Squaring his shoulders, he nods to himself. “And it’s entirely my fault.”

“Your fault?”

“Which means it’s completely under my control.”

“Huh?”

“If something is a person’s fault, there’s a cause-effect relationship. You can’t be held accountable for something you can’t control, but I can control being away from my family.”

“Yes, you can. You’re the boss. The owner. The CEO. What you do with your time is completely your decision,” I affirm.

“And I’ve been deciding to be away. It felt like it was inevitable, but it’s not. Not if I say no.”

“Say no to yourself?”

“Say no to the idea that in order to be successful, I have to do it like this.” Eyes the color of an Irish hill meet mine. “I chose. I have the power.”

“You always do.”

“I’m a hypocrite.”

“You are? How?”

“I lectured Andrew before the twins were born. Came down hard on him about putting work ahead of his growing family. What do they call that in psychological terms? Projection?”

“Since we’ve had Ellie, you’ve been a very hands-on father. I know you and Andrew worry about being like your father, but neither of you is anything like James.”

His shoulders drop with relief. “I know. And I don’t think Andrew will be like Dad, but I laid into him. We had that fight, and he came damn close to hitting me.”

“I didn’t hear about that part.”

A rueful stretch of Declan’s mouth makes it clear the incident had an emotional impact on him. For as much as I hate having him away from us so much, these Facetime sessions paradoxically tend to get him to open up to me more.

“He told me he wanted to run the gym chain he’d bought, and be CEO, and be a new father to the twins. Plus a husband to Amanda. I told him he was crazy, and he brushed me off. It got… tense.”

“When was this?”

“At the end of Amanda’s pregnancy.”

“The twins are fifteen months old, Dec! You never told me.”

“I know.”

“If he almost hit you, sounds like it got more than just tense.”

“We’re fine now. But I’m thinking back on it and realizing I’m the one traveling all over the place and he’s back there in Boston, winding down his responsibilities at Anterdec.”

Andrew quit his role as CEO of their family company last May, on Mother’s Day.

As we all gathered at their mother’s grave.

“Amanda said it’ll take him nearly two years to really leave.”

“She’s right. You don’t just give two weeks’ notice when you’re the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. And Dad’s doing everything he can to maintain control, which isn’t helping.”

“He’s also frozen Andrew out. Nothing like the silent treatment to make everything better.”

A long, pained sigh comes out of Declan. “Never underestimate the stubborn narcissism of the founder of a large institution.”

“This isn’t just founder’s syndrome, though, Declan. James is acting like Andrew doesn’t exist,” I say, disgust and pain echoing back from my own voice.

“I know. It’s immature and ridiculous, which is exactly what I would expect from Dad.”

“I’m so glad you’re nothing like him.”

“Me, too.” He groans. “Except here I am, gone for three weeks on yet another business trip. It’s exactly what the 1990s were like, growing up with him.”

“You are not him!”

“And I don’t want to lose these years with you. With Ellie. With our other children.”

“Other children?” A tingle forms in my belly.

“Shannon, I–” A distinct buzz cuts him off, the sound of a notification coming in. “Damn it.”

“JAM IT!” pipes up a little voice behind me. I turn and look down.

Ellie’s using a potholder to smoosh cantaloupe pieces into the planks of the hardwood floor.

“I have to go. Some sort of problem with air travel out of Australia.”

“Oh, no!”

Ellie looks at me, eyes wide, reading my emotions.

“It’s fine. I mean, it’s not fine, of course. I’ll be home in two days. No matter what.”

“Good!”

“MAMA!” Ellie screeches, holding up a red finger. “I got a boo-boo!”

“Let Daddy kiss it,” Declan says, and I hold her finger to the screen.

“Mwah!” kisses my billionaire husband, being as goofy and lovesick with his daughter as I’ve ever seen him.

“Dat better, Daddy!” She gives him a very sticky kiss.

I blow him one. You think I’m kissing that tablet screen now? Ewww.

“See you soon. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Dec.”

“And I mean it. I’m redefining how I build Grind It Fresh! There is a better way, and I’ll find it.”

“I know you will. You’ll find your way home.”

Under your tree 12.23.20!


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Read an excerpt from Random Acts of Baby

Are you ready for Random Acts of Baby. If you read on Apple Books, Kobo, Nook, or Google Play, get your copy today. It will only be wide for TWO DAYS – August 14-15.

“Trev?” Darla reached for me, her arm around the baby brushing mine, and before I could stop her, the baby’s head was in my palm, his little wrapped-up butt in my other hand, and I was holding him like he was two pieces connected by thick rope, each heavy enough to make my mind spin.

“Pull him in closer,” Joe whispered, as if he were a baby expert.

He was right, though. Once I did that, I had more balance. More mastery.

And I needed all the confidence I could get right now to make up for my lack of experience.

The baby was warm. Soft. Heavier than I expected and yet so fragile. His entire life was in my hands, and all eyes were on me.

Especially Darla’s.

“He’s beautiful,” I murmured, mesmerized as he squirmed in my arms, letting out a little sigh as his cheek settled in against my stomach. I curled my abs in and he took in a breath, then exhaling, little hand dropping, body relaxing.

He didn’t even weigh seven pounds and he felt like I held all the gold in the world in my hands.

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Read Chapter One of Hasty – a special sneak peek

Hasty, book 4 in the Do-Over series, releases 7.28.20. Read Chapter One for a preview of what awaits Hastings Monahan.

If you haven’t read the Do-Over series, it is now complete! Start with the FREE prequel, Little Miss Perfect.

 

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Win a print copy of Hasty ~ enter on Goodreads

CHAPTER ONE

Today is the best day of my life.

I know people say that, and they mean it, but they don’t mean this. My best day is better than anyone else’s. Trust me.

I know.

I’m sitting at a table at Essentialz, a five-star restaurant in San Francisco. Everyone at the table watches me as I tuck the signed paperwork away in my black Bottega Veneta woven leather brief bag.

I, Hastings Monahan, just signed a nine-figure investment deal on behalf of the venture capital firm I work for.

Full partner, here I come.

Of course, lawyers will handle the majority of this. The signatures are symbolic as much as they are legal. But the fellow diners at my carefully crafted table will go back to China with an exciting opportunity for their company, Zhangwa Telecommunications, to enter the North American market with climate-change technology projecting yields that are the best aphrodisiac ever.

As I sip from my glass of Montrachet Grand Cru, I catch the eye of Ming Bannerton, a consultant with Zhangwa whose father is a high-ranking U.S State Department official in China, a woman who has a hunger for financial success that I can spot in anyone in three seconds flat. There’s something special about a fellow hustler–and when I use the word hustler, I don’t mean it pejoratively.

People who hustle get things done.

We connect. We network. We pattern match. We ruthlessly apply what we intuitively feel to what we operationally know in order to produce optimal outcomes.

In short–we hustle.

And we win.

But in competition, there can only be one winner.

One.

Tonight, I’m it.

Her smile mirrors mine, red lips stretched over perfectly white teeth that are as straight as a new picket fence. The smile doesn’t reach her eyes, but an intensity infuses her. She’s about five years younger than me, with a knowing eye that tells me we need to stay in touch. Someday soon, she may shoot past me, and that’s where all the legwork pays off.

In this business, you network down as well as you network up, if you want to get anywhere.

And the manila folder resting in my brief bag, the one that feels like a warm gold ingot pressed against my lips? That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you get somewhere.

“Where is Burke?” Mr. Zhao Bai asks, his head at a slight tilt, a gesture of genuine curiosity as his eyes survey me, looking for information that doesn’t come directly from my mouth. He’s the youngest of the four men at the table, a fast talker who looks around the room like he’s a mob boss. Negotiating with him took a steady hand I didn’t know I possessed, but now I understand.

Burke is part of the deal, and I didn’t realize it.

The contracts are signed, though. That makes my husband an off-the-books addendum. No matter what, this is my accomplishment.

My husband, Burke Oonaj, is one of the hottest market makers in finance right now. Even he will have no choice but to be impressed by the deal I’ve just put together.

But the inquiry about my husband makes my uterus fall.

And it’s not like he’s around to catch it.

“Good question,” I say before taking another sip of wine, needing to buy myself a smidgen of space and time. I only need a split second.

Normally.

For some reason that I can’t explain, my emotions are tangling in my mind, and that’s an unpredictable variable I have to weed out.

Fast.

My heart feels strangely heavy in my chest, a sense of dread filling me that has no right to be here. This is MY night, I tell that sense of dread. This is MY deal. This is my culmination of six years of careful work, all coming together, right now.

Go away, dread.

But Mr. Zhao’s question is a good one, because Burke isn’t answering any of my texts or emails or phone calls, and hasn’t for the last three days.

My husband has disappeared.

Not literally, of course, because husbands don’t just do that. Business travel can be intense. Plenty of stretches of time have gone by without hearing from him. They involved twenty-four hours or less, though.

Not eighty-one hours and thirteen minutes.

Not that I’m counting.

I can’t admit any of this to anyone at this table, of course, so instead, I give what my pattern-matching brain tells me is the optimal answer, designed to make me look good.

“Burke’s fine,” I say with a grin, the glass of wine still full enough to make more sips look like an appropriate response. “He sends his best regards. He would have been here tonight, but… you know.”

Two of the men share a look I don’t like. It’s a fleeting glance, the type that is practiced and meant to look like nothing. You think I’m paranoid, that I’m inventing it all?

Wrong.

I’m in a state of hyperarousal.

No, not the sexual kind. Haven’t felt that in a long time, at least not with Burke. My hyperarousal is based around the stress hormones pumping through me from the excitement of what I just accomplished.

Me. Myself. Alone.

Independent of Burke.

As workday smiles stretch to become the more casual, intimate grins of people enjoying bottle after bottle of excellent wine, I loosen up. The answer I gave them sufficed. We can move on.

My body feels numb and excited at the same time. I’m on top of the world. The pinnacle.

I am Peak Hastings.

Which is why, when the maître d’ approaches my side, I don’t pick up on the gravity of his whisper. No one would. Because learning that my credit card has been declined for this business dinner is definitely not part of the plan, and the areas of my brain assigned to processing language literally can’t comprehend it.

“It’s what?” I whisper, standing carefully, legs still steady, my alcohol consumption measured, even if my tablemates have made their way through more wine than an entire wedding party back home.

The maître d’, José, gives me a wide-eyed but polite look. “I’m sorry, Ms. Monahan. This has never happened before when you’ve dined with us. But the credit card company was very firm. You cannot use this one.”

Mr. Zhao gives me an inquiring look. My stomach sinks. Did he overhear?

“Will you all excuse me?” I tell them, hating the disruption, my legs turning into two steel beams covered in chilled skin.

“Something must be wrong with the credit card processor,” I snap at the maître d’ as I hurry away from my group. I want to get the taint of this failure out of the way and get back to my stellar success.

Once we’re out of sight of my table, I rifle through my purse and find another business credit card. “Use this one. And let me be very clear, to you and to your boss, that this is absolutely, abjectly unacceptable.”

He inserts the card, chip side in. “I realize this, Ms. Monahan, but we cannot…”

Beep.

He stares at the credit card terminal.

I read the display upside down. “Declined!” I hiss. “This is impossible! That card has no limit!”

“Perhaps you’ve had your identity stolen, or there are fraud alerts on your account? Perhaps you’re the victim of a financial crime?” José suggests.

“I can’t be the victim of a financial crime!” I snap at him. “I’m a financial expert! This doesn’t happen to people like me. Here!” I shove a third company card at him. This one better work.

I only have one more.

My mind races ahead, conjuring contingency plans, even as my cheeks burn with shame.

Shame.

Why would I feel shame for someone else’s mistake? And yet, there it is, and I have to override it fast. Because if I don’t, it gets a toehold.

And that is the fastest way to lose your edge.

José closes his eyes and lets out a sigh through his nose, a split second before the display terminal beeps.

Again.

“Your computer system is down,” I declare, pulling out the fourth card and my phone, texting my office manager. Maybe something went wrong. Maybe José is right. Maybe we were hacked. But this is surreal enough to let the dread come inside me and have a seat, as it decides whether to become an overnight guest.

It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m staring at a mid-four-figure bill that I owe, right now, and have no way to settle.

This cannot be happening.

As he runs the fourth card, the main door opens. My spine straightens, calves stretching tall, and not just from the five-inch heels I’m wearing.

I know that man.

I hate that man.

And he’s the last person on Earth I want to see in the middle of this debacle.

Ian McCrory cannot see me like this.

“You need to fix this!” I hiss at José, whose demeanor is rapidly changing.

“Ms. Monahan,” he says, “this does not appear to be a credit card machine malfunction. This appears to be a credit card account malfunction.”

Our eyes meet, his with a challenge I am unaccustomed to experiencing. Because I am unaccustomed to my credit cards being declined.

“Hastings!” Ian says, walking toward me with the casual confidence of a man who has it all. Yes, ‘the man who has it all’ is a cliché, but clichés exist for a reason.

And Ian McCrory is a walking cliché. He’s hot. He’s rich. He’s smart. He’s charming.

And he’s alpha to the core.

All of that works against me as I find myself in the least favorable position ever.

And if I were to choose a position with Ian, it wouldn’t be this one.

Fury at my husband for not answering my calls and texts and emails for days rises up in me, tangling with the anger I feel at the inevitable attraction toward Ian, combining with my deep embarrassment.

There’s a lot happening inside this toned, successful body.

Ian comes in for the requisite hug, holding it a little longer than he has before.

“You’re trembling,” he says, his voice textured and nuanced, the concern something I’ve never heard in past encounters. We’ve sparred at conference tables that feel like they’re the size of football fields. I’ve lost countless deals to him, some of them reasonable, some of them not. Ian’s a favorite of the old boys’ network.

Me? Hastings Monahan is not exactly an old boy.

Then again, neither is Ian.

His cologne cuts through the low-grade panic that I’m trying to hide from him as José continues to stare me down. It must be a custom blend. I can pick out notes of cherry, burnt oak, and something spicy. Inhaling the air around him is like experiencing the bouquet of the finest bottle of Screaming Eagle cabernet you’ve ever tasted, at a private retreat, with people who know how to live.

Like me.

His suit fabric under my hand is a weave that can only come from a tenth-generation tailor, the kind whose DNA has been honed by craft and time. Deep brown eyes, so close to the color of his hair and brows, make a ring of chocolate around the edge, the opposite of most people’s irises. Even Ian’s body doesn’t follow the rules.

Ian is the exception in everything, even in how God constructs eyes.

“I’m just worried,” I say, deflecting. “I haven’t heard from Burke in days, and—”

“Burke!” His entire stance changes, tension filling his body. “Is he here?”

“No. Why would he be here?”

“Aren’t you two doing a deal?”

“I’m doing a deal.” I bristle inside at the implication that I need Burke for anything.

Ian peers around me, instantly making eye contact with Ms. Bannerton at my table. His eyebrows shoot up. “You scored that deal?”

“Yes. Ink’s on the papers.” I glance distractedly at the credit card still in my hand.

“Congratulations.” Now his eyebrows are in a different position, one corner of his mouth curling. I know that feeling. He knows he can’t win all the deals.

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t fantasize about them.

“Thank you.”

“I can’t say I’m surprised. I worked my ass off on the regulatory issue. Zhangwa Telecom couldn’t get past that until I pulled some strings with elected officials.”

“You groomed the path,” I say smoothly, knowing damn well he did forty-nine percent of the work on this. “But you couldn’t close.”

“Let me guess. I got them close, but you took it all the way.” His eyes narrow. “How many personal contacts did you work to get port access for Zhangwa?”

“I did nothing untoward, Ian.”

His eyes comb over me. Creepy guys abound in our business, but Ian’s gaze is anything but gross. In fact, I like it.

Like it too much.

I’m a very married woman, thank you. I don’t stray. Vows matter, even when my husband ignores me for days on end and doesn’t sleep with me for…

Far more than a few days.

“I’m sure you were completely above board and legal in every action you took, Hastings. But I also know you have a mind like a steel trap and a nose for gossip. How much dirt did you have to collect on adjacent property owners to guarantee port access?”

All I can do is grin.

It feels remarkably good to have someone understand me so well. Emotion swells in my chest, raises my temperature, makes my pulse quicken, a high of accomplishment spreading throughout my body.

It’s unfamiliar.

It’s unbounded.

And it’s Ian McCrory who is eliciting it from me.

“Good work. That’s taken you…” his voice fades out as he thinks, “…six years.”

“Yes. Yes, it has. And now it’s done.”

“Nice little deal you’ve made.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Little. This is anything but little, Ian. Don’t act like this deal is some sort of a consolation prize for me because you decided you didn’t want it enough.”

“Don’t tell me what I want, Hastings.”

Suddenly, it’s clear we’re not talking about business.

The sound of a man clearing his throat makes us both turn to look at José, who cocks one eyebrow, gives Ian a glance, and then looks at me pointedly.

Ian’s not stupid. “Is something wrong?” he asks José, instantly protective. The tone change is one that I would normally admire, but right now, panic is scrambling all of my sensors.

“Ms. Monahan and I were dealing with a business matter, Mr. McCrory. Your room is reserved in the back. Most of your party is there already.” José’s smile is ingratiating. I can feel the shift in how he treats me versus how he treats Ian in my salivary glands. A bitter taste fills my mouth as I realize I’ve been instantly relegated to some social trash heap as a result of a computer glitch.

Their glitch.

Ian bends down to kiss my cheek, startling me, his clean-shaven face so smooth, hot, and dry, making my pulse skip.

“Congratulations, Hastings. A job well done. Give my best to Burke when you see him next.” He opens his mouth slightly, as if to say something more, and then shuts it quickly. I want to ask him what he started to say, but I know that no matter what, he’s sealed up tight, like a drum.

Men like Ian McCrory don’t equivocate. If he changed his mind, his mind is changed.

I can’t help myself as he leaves, my eyes taking in the back of his body, that bespoke suit jacket perfectly molded along the lines of his tight, wide shoulders. His legs are long, shoes shined, a deep Italian richness that you can’t buy with just money.

You need taste, too.

Real taste.

José’s eyes jump from Ian, to me, back to Ian. The man is clearly making decisions based on social importance. If I am important to Ian McCrory, then upsetting me could upset the alpha.

Social calculations take microseconds for people like me, Ian, and even José. You can’t be the maître d’ at one of the hottest restaurants in one of the hottest cities in the world and not be people smart. Emotional intelligence isn’t just for softhearted church ladies, preschool teachers, and therapists.

We need every advantage we can get in this world.

“Isn’t Ian wonderful?” I murmur as I bring José into my space with a confidante’s wink. “We go back ages.”

José’s eyes narrow. He’s trying to figure out if by ages, I mean we’ve slept together. It can’t hurt to pretend that’s the case, so I lean in and lower my voice. “He’s a good friend to have. Comes through when you need him. I’ll bet he’s a great tipper, too.”

That elicits a chuckle, something in my gut unclenching at the sound.

“Will you excuse me?” I say to him, my hand on his. “While you figure out the computer glitch, I need to get back to my guests.”

As if I weren’t deflecting, I give him a flirty smile and move away quickly… but not too quickly. I can’t be…

Hasty.

“Is there a problem?” Ms. Bannerton asks, batting dark eyes at me that make it clear she knows damn well there’s a problem and wants to watch me squirm.

“No problem. Just dealing with—” I hold up my phone and jiggle it. “You know. The husband.”

“Everything’s okay with Burke, I hope?” Mr. Wang Min asks. He’s the senior person from Zhangwa and his silence thus far has been a great contrast to Mr. Zhao.

That same strange look passes between him and Mr. Zhao, though.

“Oh, he’s fine. Just had a personal-life question. You know. Marriage.”

“My wife texts me twenty times a day when I’m on trips,” Mr. Zhao says, lips pressed in a tight smile. “And she doesn’t care about time zones, so I get the texts at two in the morning.”

“Mine pretends I’m dead when I’m gone,” says Mr. Wang. Everyone halts. He laughs. “Not literally. She decided that it’s easier to have no contact when I’m away than to have only a little. As long as I bring her back real maple syrup from Vermont, she’s fine with all the travel I do.”

“It’s not as if she has a choice,” says Mr. Zhao. That comment elicits the heartiest laugh from the men at the table.

Ms. Bannerton and I give each other sympathetic looks, but not too sympathetic, because we can’t telegraph weakness in a crowd like this.

Suddenly, the men all stand in unison, Ms. Bannerton struggling to join them in her high heels. My skin breaks out in gooseflesh as I realize something has changed.

Pressing my palms into the arms of my chair, I rise to my feet and turn.

Even before I see him, I know exactly who is drawing this reaction from them.

“Ian!” Ms. Bannerton says, her lips spreading in a grin of joy, eyes devouring him. She bypasses all of the men to launch herself into the arms of the ninth richest man in the world. Mr. Zhao and Mr. Wang are only ranking in the high ’teens these days.

Ian accepts her hug with the gracious formality of a man who knows exactly what to do, then works the table, shaking hands. When he’s done, he turns to me, arms stretched out in a gesture of gentlemanly acknowledgment, and says, “I don’t need to hug you.”

Ms. Bannerton’s eyebrows shoot up.

“We already took care of the intimacies earlier,” he adds.

Normally, that sort of comment would get him a high-heeled spike through that beautiful Italian leather on his size fourteen (I’m guessing) feet, but I’m grateful tonight. It cuts through the tension of my declined credit cards and gives everyone at the table something to whisper about later, long after this dinner is over.

On the other side of the group, José appears, making eyes at me. My heart jumps up into my throat, clawing its way into my sinus cavity, beating like it’s in the Tour de France and about to wipe out at the bottom of a steep hill.

I reach for my purse, the universal gesture of going to the ladies’ room, and I step away, grateful for Ian’s presence. He’ll keep them all busy as I go and untangle this very private mess.

My phone buzzes. I look at the text, hopeful.

It’s a reminder from my carrier to pay my cellphone bill.

Dammit, Burke. Where are you?

Those words have rushed through my brain hundreds of times in the last three days. He’s never gone this long without answering, even if it’s just a single letter, “K,” when I ask him if he’s alive.

I find my way back to the concierge desk, where José is now standing with even less warmth than he had before Ian appeared.

“This is not a credit card machine failure, as I suspected,” he informs me. “You need to pay the bill.”

“I’m a good customer. I’m sure this is some sort of an error. Can’t I just—”

“I’m sorry, Ms. Monahan. You have to settle the bill immediately. Do you have a debit card?”

“Oh! My personal account. Of course! I can pay it, and I’ll have my company reimburse me once this is all sorted out. There’s plenty of money in our personal accounts.” I pull out the debit card and hand it to him, relieved to have been given an out, still furious to be in this position at all.

He runs it. I stare at the machine. At the same moment, my skin does that prickly thing again, goosebumps everywhere. If I weren’t in this state of abject terror that I’m working so hard to cover, I would think that I was aroused.

Aroused in the most delicious of ways.

Ian McCrory’s entirely at fault.

The light on the machine turns red, the word looking like Hebrew, although at this point I know damn well what “decline” looks like upside down.

“Hastings,” Ian purrs in my ear, his hand resting between my shoulder blades. His eyes flit down to take in the machine, then the cards gripped in my hand. He looks at José. An extraordinary expression of sympathy that makes me want to rip my own liver out and eat it in front of him covers his face.

“Oh, Hastings. I had no idea.”

That is the exact moment I learn how much I hate Ian McCrory.

“Had no idea of what?” I challenge.

He looks at the debit card as if it were a limp penis. “That you and Burke were in financial trouble.” The words come out of his mouth as if they’re in slow motion, in free fall, BASE jumping without a parachute.

“We are not in financial trouble,” I snap, hating the edges of my words, how they vibrate out into the waiting area. Two people turn, microscopic shifts in the way that their ears tilt. I know full well about eavesdropping on other people’s drama–and I know damn well that I don’t want to be someone else’s funny story for later. “We’re fine. This is some kind of computer glitch.”

“Ma’am, you have now attempted four credit cards, all from different issuers, and your personal debit card. Everything has been declined,” José says, completely obliterating my cover story.

The shift from Ms. Monahan to Ma’am is the worst.

The spray of shock that radiates through my body as his words hit me makes it hard to breathe. Something really is wrong. How can the greatest moment in my entire life implode like this?

“José,” Ian says to him, making himself a human shield between the prying eyes of my dinner party and me, “put it on my account.”

“You can’t do that!” I protest.

“I am doing that.”

“But this is my dinner. This is my responsibility. And my contract,” I growl.

“I’m not trying to take your contract away from you, Hastings. I’m trying to save you from embarrassment.”

“I don’t need you to rescue me.”

“It sure as hell looks like you do.”

“This… this isn’t… I’ll pay you back,” I hiss, furiously grateful, but filled with more fury than gratitude.

“Of course you will.”

“And–I’m not in financial trouble.”

“Of course you’re not.”

Condescension is my kryptonite. It’s what I use against other people as a weapon, a cover for my insecurity.

Yeah, yeah, I’m not supposed to be that self-aware. I went through enough therapy to know I don’t give a damn what other people think about me, but I certainly give a damn about how I feel when someone else perceives me as weak.

And that’s exactly what Ian’s doing right now.

“First of all, you’re a jerk. Second of all, thank you.”

“That’s the worst thank you I’ve ever received in my life.”

“I’m sure you’ve been subjected to worse.”

“Well, there was that one time in Sydney when I was in bed and—”

“I don’t want to hear about your sex life!”

Especially when mine is non-existent.

“Look,” Ian says, grabbing my upper arm gently, pulling me out of the view of my dinner guests. “I don’t want you to win this contract any more than you want me to win the ones that I take from you.”

“You admit it? I’m a competitor of yours?”

“You’re an annoyance, Hastings.”

“Annoyance?”

“You’re so much smarter than you give yourself credit for, and you’ve attached yourself to that slimy piece of overblown ego masquerading as a finance expert.”

“How dare you talk about my husband that way!”

José’s eyes narrow. He’s trying to figure out if by ages, I mean we’ve slept together. It can’t hurt to pretend that’s the case, so I lean in and lower my voice. “He’s a good friend to have. Comes through when you need him. I’ll bet he’s a great tipper, too.”

That elicits a chuckle, something in my gut unclenching at the sound.

“Will you excuse me?” I say to him, my hand on his. “While you figure out the computer glitch, I need to get back to my guests.”

As if I weren’t deflecting, I give him a flirty smile and move away quickly… but not too quickly. I can’t be…

Hasty.

“Is there a problem?” Ms. Bannerton asks, batting dark eyes at me that make it clear she knows damn well there’s a problem and wants to watch me squirm.

“No problem. Just dealing with—” I hold up my phone and jiggle it. “You know. The husband.”

“Everything’s okay with Burke, I hope?” Mr. Wang Min asks. He’s the senior person from Zhangwa and his silence thus far has been a great contrast to Mr. Zhao.

That same strange look passes between him and Mr. Zhao, though.

“Oh, he’s fine. Just had a personal-life question. You know. Marriage.”

“My wife texts me twenty times a day when I’m on trips,” Mr. Zhao says, lips pressed in a tight smile. “And she doesn’t care about time zones, so I get the texts at two in the morning.”

“Mine pretends I’m dead when I’m gone,” says Mr. Wang. Everyone halts. He laughs. “Not literally. She decided that it’s easier to have no contact when I’m away than to have only a little. As long as I bring her back real maple syrup from Vermont, she’s fine with all the travel I do.”

“It’s not as if she has a choice,” says Mr. Zhao. That comment elicits the heartiest laugh from the men at the table.

Ms. Bannerton and I give each other sympathetic looks, but not too sympathetic, because we can’t telegraph weakness in a crowd like this.

Suddenly, the men all stand in unison, Ms. Bannerton struggling to join them in her high heels. My skin breaks out in gooseflesh as I realize something has changed.

Pressing my palms into the arms of my chair, I rise to my feet and turn.

Even before I see him, I know exactly who is drawing this reaction from them.

“Ian!” Ms. Bannerton says, her lips spreading in a grin of joy, eyes devouring him. She bypasses all of the men to launch herself into the arms of the ninth richest man in the world. Mr. Zhao and Mr. Wang are only ranking in the high ’teens these days.

Ian accepts her hug with the gracious formality of a man who knows exactly what to do, then works the table, shaking hands. When he’s done, he turns to me, arms stretched out in a gesture of gentlemanly acknowledgment, and says, “I don’t need to hug you.”

Ms. Bannerton’s eyebrows shoot up.

“We already took care of the intimacies earlier,” he adds.

Normally, that sort of comment would get him a high-heeled spike through that beautiful Italian leather on his size fourteen (I’m guessing) feet, but I’m grateful tonight. It cuts through the tension of my declined credit cards and gives everyone at the table something to whisper about later, long after this dinner is over.

On the other side of the group, José appears, making eyes at me. My heart jumps up into my throat, clawing its way into my sinus cavity, beating like it’s in the Tour de France and about to wipe out at the bottom of a steep hill.

I reach for my purse, the universal gesture of going to the ladies’ room, and I step away, grateful for Ian’s presence. He’ll keep them all busy as I go and untangle this very private mess.

My phone buzzes. I look at the text, hopeful.

It’s a reminder from my carrier to pay my cellphone bill.

Dammit, Burke. Where are you?

Those words have rushed through my brain hundreds of times in the last three days. He’s never gone this long without answering, even if it’s just a single letter, “K,” when I ask him if he’s alive.

I find my way back to the concierge desk, where José is now standing with even less warmth than he had before Ian appeared.

“This is not a credit card machine failure, as I suspected,” he informs me. “You need to pay the bill.”

“I’m a good customer. I’m sure this is some sort of an error. Can’t I just—”

“I’m sorry, Ms. Monahan. You have to settle the bill immediately. Do you have a debit card?”

“Oh! My personal account. Of course! I can pay it, and I’ll have my company reimburse me once this is all sorted out. There’s plenty of money in our personal accounts.” I pull out the debit card and hand it to him, relieved to have been given an out, still furious to be in this position at all.

He runs it. I stare at the machine. At the same moment, my skin does that prickly thing again, goosebumps everywhere. If I weren’t in this state of abject terror that I’m working so hard to cover, I would think that I was aroused.

Aroused in the most delicious of ways.

Ian McCrory’s entirely at fault.

The light on the machine turns red, the word looking like Hebrew, although at this point I know damn well what “decline” looks like upside down.

“Hastings,” Ian purrs in my ear, his hand resting between my shoulder blades. His eyes flit down to take in the machine, then the cards gripped in my hand. He looks at José. An extraordinary expression of sympathy that makes me want to rip my own liver out and eat it in front of him covers his face.

“Oh, Hastings. I had no idea.”

That is the exact moment I learn how much I hate Ian McCrory.

“Had no idea of what?” I challenge.

He looks at the debit card as if it were a limp penis. “That you and Burke were in financial trouble.” The words come out of his mouth as if they’re in slow motion, in free fall, BASE jumping without a parachute.

“We are not in financial trouble,” I snap, hating the edges of my words, how they vibrate out into the waiting area. Two people turn, microscopic shifts in the way that their ears tilt. I know full well about eavesdropping on other people’s drama–and I know damn well that I don’t want to be someone else’s funny story for later. “We’re fine. This is some kind of computer glitch.”

“Ma’am, you have now attempted four credit cards, all from different issuers, and your personal debit card. Everything has been declined,” José says, completely obliterating my cover story.

The shift from Ms. Monahan to Ma’am is the worst.

The spray of shock that radiates through my body as his words hit me makes it hard to breathe. Something really is wrong. How can the greatest moment in my entire life implode like this?

“José,” Ian says to him, making himself a human shield between the prying eyes of my dinner party and me, “put it on my account.”

“You can’t do that!” I protest.

“I am doing that.”

“But this is my dinner. This is my responsibility. And my contract,” I growl.

“I’m not trying to take your contract away from you, Hastings. I’m trying to save you from embarrassment.”

“I don’t need you to rescue me.”

“It sure as hell looks like you do.”

“This… this isn’t… I’ll pay you back,” I hiss, furiously grateful, but filled with more fury than gratitude.

“Of course you will.”

“And–I’m not in financial trouble.”

“Of course you’re not.”

Condescension is my kryptonite. It’s what I use against other people as a weapon, a cover for my insecurity.

Yeah, yeah, I’m not supposed to be that self-aware. I went through enough therapy to know I don’t give a damn what other people think about me, but I certainly give a damn about how I feel when someone else perceives me as weak.

And that’s exactly what Ian’s doing right now.

“First of all, you’re a jerk. Second of all, thank you.”

“That’s the worst thank you I’ve ever received in my life.”

“I’m sure you’ve been subjected to worse.”

“Well, there was that one time in Sydney when I was in bed and—”

“I don’t want to hear about your sex life!”

Especially when mine is non-existent.

“Look,” Ian says, grabbing my upper arm gently, pulling me out of the view of my dinner guests. “I don’t want you to win this contract any more than you want me to win the ones that I take from you.”

“You admit it? I’m a competitor of yours?”

“You’re an annoyance, Hastings.”

“Annoyance?”

“You’re so much smarter than you give yourself credit for, and you’ve attached yourself to that slimy piece of overblown ego masquerading as a finance expert.”

“How dare you talk about my husband that way!”

“You knew instantly who I was talking about, though, didn’t you?”

We’re both breathing harder than we should be, and a flush of heat wanders around my body like it’s looking for something to burn.

I straighten my spine and let out a deep sigh. “I am not having this conversation with you.”

“Actually, you are. We’re literally exchanging the words right now.”

My phone buzzes in my hand. I look at it. It’s from Burke. It’s two words:

I’m sorry.

My eyebrows drop, my face twisting with horror. “I’m sorry?” I whisper.

“That’s better.”

“Not you! I’m reading my text from Burke–‘I’m sorry’? At least he’s finally contacting me, so I can stop worrying.”

A second text follows:

Don’t tell them anything.

I frown. Before Ian can rudely ask me what the new text says, his phone buzzes, too. Over at the table, everyone’s phone buzzes at the same time.

The timing is too coincidental.

A snake begins to uncurl along my tailbone, rising up my spine between my shoulder blades to the base of my neck, splitting in two and going to each ear, crawling up over the crown of my head.

Something is terribly wrong.

Burke doesn’t apologize for anything.

Behind me, the door to the restaurant opens, bringing with it a cool blast of evening air that should be refreshing but feels more like death. The sound of heavy steps makes me turn, and a clink-clink-clink that is distinct and unfamiliar.

“Hastings Monahan,” says a man behind me. He’s not asking if I’m her.

Because he knows.

I look at Ian. His eyes are wide, hand gripping his phone, thumb on the unlock position already. When I turn around, I’m faced with uniformed police officers and men and women in black, all of them wearing weapons and expressions of doom.

“Yes?”

What happens next is a blur. Words float into my brain, like under arrest and charged with as Ian punches the glass screen on his phone like a jackhammer on concrete, barking orders to some person named Irene on the other end. My purse is taken out of my hands, my wrists pulled behind me. I catch Ms. Bannerton’s eye, and her whole expression melts into one of mocking delight.

The men at the table do not move, do not defend me, do not protect me, do not interfere in any way.

I can’t blame them.

Ian, on the other hand, the Ian McCrory, my biggest competitor, my outright nemesis, reaches through the molasses of the moment as my hands are zip tied behind my back, forcing my breasts out, my feet teetering on the platforms of my shoes, my soul slithering out of my body.

“I’m getting lawyers on this. Whatever’s going on, I’ve got you, Hastings,” he says grimly, the stark emotion in his voice cutting through the horror of what unfolds.

“You what?”

“I’ve got you.”

And those are the last words anyone says to me as police officers remove me from the restaurant, my perp walk the ultimate free-fall from Peak Hastings to Freak Hastings.

Less than an hour has passed since we signed the contract for my nine-figure deal.

The only pen in my life now is going to be a holding pen.

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Sneak Peek of Shopping for a Baby’s First Christmas!

 

Here’s a sneak peek at Shannon and Declan’s new book, Shopping for a Baby’s First Christmas:

 

“Mmmmm,” I hear myself purring as I open my eyes in the big king-size bed at our Victorian B&B here in the Berkshires. A bed that I can stretch out in, because I smell coffee from afar and Dec isn’t between the sheets.

Neither is our seven-month-old daughter, Ellie.

I have the entire bed to myself. I might be married to a billionaire, but when you’re the mother of a clingy baby, this right here is true luxury.

A whiff of cinnamon accompanies that coffee and now I wonder if I’m dreaming. My naked body rolls against the high-thread-count Egyptian cotton and my legs are smooth. As I stretch, I realize my nipples are free. No one is touching me.

This must be a dream. Read more

The waiting…

#excerpt #unedited #baby
The scene: Shannon is 1 day late with her period, the first month of trying.

I slept with my hand on my belly all night, curled up against it like I’m cradling a priceless item. A fragile robin’s egg. A rare jewel.

Declan’s balls.

My eyes open, the sound of male slumber beside me so much a backdrop to my life that I don’t notice it most mornings. His warm body is next to me, curled on his right side, shoulder peeking out from under the covers. Declan needs a haircut, his hair longer than usual. Without an assistant to run his life, he’s forgetting those little details. A good wife would help him out. A good wife would schedule a haircut for him. A good wife would step in and take over.

Screw that.

Also, I like his hair like this. Wavy and rakish, it makes him feel a little less controlled. More dynamic and dangerous, like I’m sleeping with someone familiar yet new.

A fullness in my lower torso brings me back to the reality that today is the day. We’re here. Yesterday, my period was due and it didn’t arrive. Day one of babywatch begins. I should jump up and take the pregnancy test and get it out of the way. My bladder is screaming for relief. I should march into the bathroom and confidently face my future. I should make one single, simple move toward resolution. Information is power.

Instead, I stare at the ceiling, inventorying my body for answers.

Why? Why do I do this when the answer is a few steps away?

I don’t know.

Heaviness fills my limbs. My uterus feels like a polished, warm rock inside me. Declan makes a low, breathy sound, then turns over, wrapping one arm around my waist in sleep. The light pressure of his forearm against my bladder makes me wince, but I don’t move.

We’re at the very edge of an abyss. The minute I know I’m pregnant, life changes.

The reality is what it is.

It’s the knowing that terrifies me.

Eyes opening, Dec looks at me, a slow, satisfied smile making his face a world of its own. “Morning,” he says, coming in for a quick kiss. “Did you test yet?”

“No.” Tears come, small and bright.

“What’s wrong? Did your period start?” A soothing hand begins to rub my elbow, as if he already knows the answer to a question I’m trying to hold back.

“No.”

He brightens more, long lashes closing over the tops of his cheeks as he kisses my shoulder. Our baby could have those beautiful green eyes.

Our baby.

“I’m just being emotional,” I say with a laugh, wiping the not-quite tears from the corners of my eyes.

“Maybe that’s a sign.”

“Breast tenderness is a sign too, Dec.”

He takes that as an invitation, filling his hand with my loose breast under my pajama top. “Hmmm, let me see.”

“How would you know if my breasts are tender?”

“It will take a great deal of careful, detailed study, Shannon, but I’m dedicated.”

I laugh, then wince. “My bladder is killing me.”

“Go, then. Go do the test.” He slaps my ass playfully.

“I’m scared.”

“Scared of the test? It’s just pee.”

“Scared of the answer.”

“You changed your mind?”

“No, no.” I sigh. “It’s just hitting me now. How big this is. We’re Declan and Shannon right now.”I turn on my side and face him, arm tucked under my head. “If I’m pregnant, we’ll never be just us.”

“Isn’t that the point of having kids?”

“It’s one of them. I want a family. I want to raise a child with you. I want all of that. At the same time, I’m afraid we’ll change.”

“Of course we’ll change.”

“Maybe you’ve made life too good for me,” I tell him, grasping at the right words to describe the feelings inside me. “I think this is your fault.”

“For giving you too good a life?”

“For loving me so well I can’t imagine it being even better.”

If I thought his smile was radiant before, he practically glows now, tenderness filling those hard features, showing me the man I have the privilege of knowing intimately every day of my life. This is the Declan no one else sees. This is the raw, real person who may have just fathered a child growing inside my body at this very moment.

“I love you, Shannon. If this is all we ever have, it will be more than enough.” His hand flutters over my belly. “And if there is more, I’ll cherish more as much as I cherish you.”

I cry. Of course I cry. Wouldn’t you?

“Stop!” I gasp. “I’m going to pee the bed.”

“So much for sharing my feelings with you,” he says, joking. Our kiss is sweet and hot, fueled by truth.

But a larger truth is weighing heavily on me.

My bladder.
—-
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